marththebland: I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger
descamisados: meryl streep could probably win an oscar for putting up a cinnamon challenge video on youtube
Things I learnt this year with the Oscars
Harry Potter will never win an Oscar Harry Potter is actually the Leo DiCaprio of the movies Hugo wins everything This is Hugo awards Hugo is the Adele of movies Benedict Cumberbatch will never show up Benedict Cumberbatch is the troller of the trollers Benedict Cumberbatch is the Steven Moffat of British actors
me picking up a game i haven't played in a while
me: awesome time to continue my awesome journey
me: *turns console on*
me: where am i who is this what was i doing
carboxylate: trophywifematerial: why did the triangle go to the beach? because it was 90 degrees the triangle was right to go there.
awildgayappears: i get my tans from the computer monitor
i have a silent friendship with so many of you omg we never talk but we always like/reblog each other and i just love you from a distance jkdhgd
archaeosaur: social anxiety is when successfully ordering a pizza over the phone makes you feel like a fucking champion
shutupmerlin: graydorians: one day benedict cumberbatch and colin morgan will be sitting side by side suited up with their arms folded looking at each other benedict will say “remember the time we ruined the world with our existence” and colin will say “yeah good times” and then they’ll drink tea by the fire like they hadn’t destroyed everyone in their paths by tilting their faces slightly...
mom: are you dating that boy you hugged him
mom: are dating that boy you were talking to him
mom: are you dating that boy he looked at you
mom: are you dating that boy he was breathing your air
PENCIL: You know, I'm really sorry.
ERASER: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
PENCIL: I'm sorry, 'couse you get hurt because of me. Whenever I make a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller every time.
ERASER: That's true, but i don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though, one of these days, I know I'll be gone and you have to replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.
random blogger reading this: what
person on phone: hello, is this jim moriarty?
jim: yes, of course it is, what do you want?
person on phone: this the bakerstreet pastry shop. as part of our shop opening, we're offering complementary cinnamon roll and coffee today at--
jim: SAY THAT AGAIN.
jim: say that again and know that if you are lying to me, I will find you, and I will sssskin you.
person on phone: c-cinnamon rolls and c-coffee? today?
jim: so if you have what you say you have, I will make you rich. if you don't, I'll make you into shoes.
jim: fuckin' love cinnamon rolls and coffee
Straight women: Neil Patrick Harris is sexy.
Gay guys: Neil Patrick Harris is sexy.
Straight guys: Neil Patrick Harris is sexy.
Lesbians: Neil Patrick Harris is sexy.
Neil Patrick Harris: Neil Patrick Harris is sexy.
Me: You have to read The Hunger Games! Seriously it's amazing!
Person: What's it about?
Me: Children fighting to the death on live television.
Person: Is there anything happy in it?
Me: There's a love story in there somewhere.
Me: But basically everyone dies.
Me: Read it!
mom: anime club
mom: what do you talk about in anime club? pokemon?
me: mom no
mom: do you talk about your favorite pokemon
mom: my favorite is the water one